"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," the Lord explains in Isaiah 55:8. Sometimes I cling to this verse when I just don't understand God. I have to remind myself that the Lord is way beyond me and He knows far better than me so who am I to tell Him how to do things. Sometimes I feel like the Lord brings people and circumstances into our lives to do something in us and we'll never quite grasp the depths of the impact they really had on us. My friendship with Princess is a perfect example of this. From the time that I first heard about her in a prayer session God placed her on my heart. One of my teammates shared that they had met a lady sick with HIV and asked for us to pray for her. Immediately I began asking about her I felt as though I needed to meet her. Kepp shared with me that she met her doing house visits but didn't remember where she lived, the only one who knew was a lady named Felicity. Well it just so happened that on the way back from the prayer service I ran into Felicity, I know that God placed Felicity on my path because never before and never again have I seen her in that area of town but Felicity was happy to introduce her to me and that's where our friendship began. For the next 4 months I visited Princess often. I'd take her to church with me or just stop by and visit her. As time went by Princess's health deteriorated and she was often in the hospital and so I was able to visit her there as well. During Christmas break when I went to visit her she was nothing but skin and bones and she could no longer walk. My friends and I continued to visit her and would help her walk so she could sit outside for a bit of fresh air. My prayers in that time became more frequent and more insistent; I began praying for a miracle. In my heart I really believed the Lord would perform that miracle so when I got the news that Princess passed away my heart shattered. Why Lord? Why did you choose to take her like that? Why couldn't you have healed her? Why did she have to suffer so much pain? Why couldn't she live to see her little girls grow up? These answers I have not found. God's plan in bringing her into my life I also do not fully understand, but I know that He did and I know His plan is far bigger than I can comprehend. What I do know is that as I walked to ministry the next day my heart ached, it ached because I really loved my dear friend Princess and I really poured into her. I feared that losing someone I loved would cause me to hesitate loving again knowing I will one day lose them as well, but that's not at all what happened. That sting of pain encourages me all the more because it meant I really did love her and I want to love all the people God brings in my life that way. I want my heart to ache when I leave them for then, I feel, I really loved them with the love of Christ.