Lately I keep finding myself comparing my time here to my time in Africa. The truth is my experiences have been completely and utterly different and I know that each instance has been part of God's plan to teach me something new. Compared to my time here, Africa was easy. In Africa I had an amazing support system, I had people all around me who spoke my language and were there for me. Each day we were in classes where we were taught truths and were poured into by people who loved us. I was even discipled by an amazing woman of God. Here on the other hand, I hardly have a support system, my sister is basically the only one I can go to for the time being. I am surrounded by people who don't speak my language and I cannot be taught very much because I cannot understand most of what I am being told. So why then are my spirits so much higher here and why am I so much more encouraged here than I was in Africa? I was thinking about my arrival to Africa as I journaled today. I struggled so much in the beginning, I didn't want to meet anyone, I didn't want to pour into people, I felt quite depressed. Now when I look back I realize it was all about my standing with God. I was struggling so much in my relationship with God that everything else was crumbling beneath me. I have realized in all the times that I have doubted God and His existence, the rest of my life falls apart because HE is my life. He is my reason for living. He's my reason for loving. He's the reason I want to keep going on even when its hard. He's the reason that I have a job that I work constantly but never get paid. He's the reason I am filled with love. He's the reason I have hope and want to give others that hope that only He provides. If I have not Him, I have nothing! So when I found myself at odds with God nothing in life really mattered. I couldn't dish out love because I felt dry. I couldn't speak passionately about my Savior because I felt no passion within me. But here I am now where I am going through a very difficult time but things are so much easier because I have God on my side and I am trusting in Him. Sure no one is specifically speaking words of truth into my ears(or not that I can comprehend anyways) but the Holy Spirit has been in constant conversation with me. I'll be hanging up clothes and he's speaking to me, or sitting in church not understanding a word and He's speaking. I feel so encouraged because He's encouraging me.

I apologize if this blog seems a little out there to some. I probably sound a bit loopy but everything I have written I am writing from my heart. I know people from all backrounds and beliefs read my blogs and so I ask that if you are confused or don't believe what I write please don't just write me off, ask me about it, I'd love to talk. God bless and thank you all for your prayers I feel them here!